FERT

Humans of Lagos "I remember the time when social media and smart phones were yet to penetrate the country. I mean those days when your friends could only call you to make live commentaries of games that you missed. Short Message Service (SMS) was the order of the day. It's during that period that I got an SMS alert that I've won in one of a leading companies promo. I was very happy, though I couldn't remember entering for any promo. The message instructed me to call a number. So when I called the contact, the receiver mentioning my name confirming to me that I've indeed won a huge sum of money. My prayers were answered, I couldn't hold my joy. I was instructed to send airtime recharge voucher to another number to confirm my willingness to claim my prize. I spent over 30, 000 Naira buying and sending recharge cards to them, they kept on redirecting me and was just following with hope. I was warned against telling people about my win so that envious p...

Humans of Lagos "That two shall become one is the biggest scam ever invented. Two may come together to form something else, and or, they may be like parallel lines that will never meet. My father was a Physician while my mum is a Preceptor. Mother tried all she could to help father's addiction to alcohol and smoking, but her efforts were not enough. My dad would drink like his liver and kidney were invincible. Mother begged him to compromise so that he could be healthy, stay alive for her and the children; but my dad turned deaf ears. Sooner, he developed health issues as a result of his addictions. His colleagues warned him to quit his addiction. Yet, he didn't listen. He died cos of what he loved. If he'd loved his children, he would sacrificed his addiction. If he'd became one with his wife, he wouldn't struggle with addiction. How we came to life may never matter, the doctrines handed to us by our guidance may not last with us. The truth is,...

Humans of Lagos "There's something that pisses me off easily, the innate human nature to lie. For goodness sake; I lie, but why should people lie to me too? I'm like the police force who doesn't trust but want to be trusted! I hate competition. © FERT, 2019"

Humans of Lagos "My boss being a politician is good with words. He's well known and the masses revere him for his oratory skill. Though we think of him as 'all talk but no action', this opinion of ours do not count in the eyes of the multitude that have sort of canonized him. Most times, he is the opposite of every speech he delivers to the public. One day, he promised free medical check-up for a community, just to boost his political presence. He made us, his staff, the health care deliverers. Though he had not enough medical materials to aid this task, we had no choice but to go. On site, we knew we would not be able to cater to everyone that showed up. Nonetheless, we started our job, attended to the few that we were able to serve, and announced to the rest that we were out of supplies. Suddenly, we were mobbed. They chanted that we diverted their philanthropist aid for our personal use. We were called thieves and saboteurs. Some of my colleagues were ...

Humans of Lagos "I've shared many ideas which have been stolen by my friends. All I got was, "you're a genius." I felt proud to be called a genius. Then I decided to take things further by working on an idea till fruition. That's when I knew that idea is just an idea. Anybody can create an idea, but not everyone can take it further. Water has always been able to generate electricity since the beginning of time, but remained untapped for millienniums until harnessed. The rigour of making an idea come to life is not an easy task. My imagination could not birth its concept. I fainted, and quit. Now I accept the fact that every "well said" is to be followed with "well done". When the job is done. I wish my ideas can fetch me fortunes, I don't think I'm cut out for anything beyond idea creation. © FERT, 2019"

Humans of Lagos "I got an opportunity to leave the village for Lagos early in my life. I saw it as a road to the greener pasture. I left my friends, abandoned my parents, and I broke up with my girlfriend. I thought Lagos was a land flowing with milk and honey. Literally. The man that brought me to Lagos never told me the reality of the land. He only assured me that "Lagos is a land of opportunity." I was not prepared for any opportunity, but I believed that an opportunity would find me. Sixteen years later, my life is as stagnant as a lake. When my parents died a few months ago, I visited the village and I became overwhelmed with sadness upon my arrival. My friends have progressed in their local endeavours, my ex-girlfriend is now a married woman who could hardly remember me or our dramatic breakup. I might not have existed. Imagine. I reside in the "mega city" but my success is mega shallow while the place I left behind thrives. I wish I ca...

Humans of Lagos "I thought I was addicted to phone screens, I could never have imagined that I can live with having a restricted access to the virtual world. My Cell phone developed a software malfunctioning; while I totally forgot that the phone still carried a warranty, I took it to a roadside repairer to be fixed. The quack compounded it's problem by installing the wrong Operating System thereby killing the phone. When I eventually took the phone to the manufacturing company, I was asked to bring more than 80% of the initial cost of the phone. I had forfeited the warranty when I took it to an unauthorized repairer. I decided not to worry myself about being phoneless. At first, it was a hard ball, but I later adapted. I get to check my mails on my laptop, and ignored the social media. I felt an unexpected flood of freedom. So many of our pursuits are illusional. Like many of our wants and needs- if not all. We are thinking beings that can either create pains or p...

Humans of Lagos "I'd postulated so many theories on how I should be successful. I'd fashioned several ideas towards my path to being rich. My simple definition of being successful is to be wealthy. Don't blame me, I grew up in a society that value material wealth over all else. I'd planned to be a philanthropist, helping my deemed poor friends that appeared to be happy despite their pauper state. Yet, my struggles to attain financial greatness has left me seeking financial help at the moment from the ones I planned to assist once I am wealthy. It is their token to my breakthrough. But then, I now realise, not all plans will come through, not everyone will be rich; I'm teaching myself to understand that I may not be affluent as I want. However, I should learn to create my happiness from within like friends." © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos "My dynamite ex-husband used to vent his anger on me by pouncing on me like a wrestler finishing his opponent. I think beating me up massaged his ego. He's always happy to hear mediators knock on our doors begging him to stop. "A man must be above his wife in all things." He would boast. During one of the "happy moments" in the marriage, I told him that I only allowed him to beat me so that he could feel good about himself. He didn't believe me. Considering my smallish stature compared to his holiness, he'd likened my utterance to a drunk Zebra challenging a hungry Lion. He tried turning every argument into a fight, but still, I allowed him to win. After the fight, he'd mockingly remind me of the statement I made about beating him. On this particular day, I was ready for him. As usual, he launched the assault. I dodged his fist that was coming for my jaw, and then quickly landed an uppercut into his armpit thereby disl...

Humans of Lagos "I woke up with excruciating pain, so tormenting I screamed out of my sleep. My wife was so worried seeing me writhe in untold pain emanating from my ring finger. We checked it, and saw that the finger was a little swollen above the rest of my fingers. The pain was killing, my wife likened it to the pain some women experience during their menstruation period. I once read via Google about Herpes Whitlow; a painful viral infection on the skin. So I concluded that I'd Herpes Whitlow.  As a virus infection that would leave after completing its cycle, I was ready to bear its pain while it lasted. My wife advised that I kept applying dry heat on the finger. I did. During my office hours, my colleagues couldn't but notice the agonizing pain I was undergoing. It was during this agonizing experience that I realized the moment you feel any part of your body, there must be a corresponding malfunctioning on that part - my finger was in such a state alerting...

Humans of Lagos "I've worked as Hotel Manager, a Customer Care Agent, a Teller at a bank, and now training people how to export goods. It's so funny that I'm a graduate, but I've never practiced that which I studied at the University. I'm a graduate of Geology, but there are not enough space for me to practice in my field. The best I can do is to continue my study till I have my PhD perhaps I'll be lucky enough to be a preceptor that will be teaching the younger generation in the course that they may never be able to find their feet in. Our government promotes science study loudly. In fact it's a prestige being a science student in your high school days, your colleagues at the university will look upon you with high regards if you're excelling well in your science studies. However, the Nigerian society doesn't have any space for scientist to explore. I wish I'd known it earlier." © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos I was married to a sociopath! Ever wondered how a woman would praise her husband so much that Angels Michael and Gabriel would be envious of the man? Then suddenly switch to be talking about the same guy in a bad light that Lucifer is now afraid of him? My ex-husband switched so well that the angel removing and re-adding his name in the book of life eventually permanently deleted his name. He's beyond redemption. I was doing lovey-dovey with death in human form. I suffered so much. But I'm glad to be out of it. I'm not perfect but it's not worth it dealing with the imperfections of another who's a risk to you. Our Processional hymn into the wedlock was heavenly, the Recessional hymn sounded more like a war that would forever separate us. Selah. I didn't die in the toxic relationship. Amen. I'll now live my life, appreciating myself always. © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos "Everything in Nigeria will kill you! Ever since I was young, I have seen living in Nigeria as a traphole that will someday close up and swallow one. Imagine waking up feeling like a zombie ghost in your own country. Just recently, I traveled all the way from my state down to Lagos to fulfill the one year mandatory youth service after completing my first degree. A risky trip that I survived given the deplorable state of the road among other unmentionable calamities. While in Lagos, the corps members were summoned to be ad-hoc staff members to the electoral commission. I obeyed the clarion call in elation. On the eve of the election, this commission only lodged us in an open space with no security nor standard shelter that is befitting of any human. Don't let us even contemplate food! And when information from above reached the state electoral officials that the election had been postponed, they collected the materials in our possession and then aba...

Humans of Lagos "I had a horrific traumatizing night. It happened that my nineteen-year-old brother got missing. He left the house telling those at home that he would not stay out for long. Minutes gone, hours passed, and he was no where to be found. Anxiety rose, panic ensued everywhere; yet he was no where in sight. I called his friends but none could tell his whereabouts. The police asked we wait 24 hours before reporting him a missing person. Our older brother began tracking his phone. It showed he was roving around Lagos. Everyone feared he had been captured by ritualists. No one could sleep, and the night moved slowly like a tortoise in motion. Eventually as the day broke, we received a SMS that was sent from his phone. It was from the police. He had been in the police custody! Apprehended for the possession of Cannabis sativa that is criminalized in my country. At the police station, it was discovered that his Motorcyclist (okada man) gave him the Nylon...

Humans of Lagos "My landlord just increased the house rent. He neither renovated the house, nor dug a borehole that could have solved our water challenges. His excuse for increasing the rent was that his house is blessed. As every tenant is making progress in their various endeavors. He cited examples of a co-tenant that was able to afford the fee to travel to Saudi Arabia for Hajj; another whose son graduated and got qualified as a Medical Doctor; and my neighbor who bought a new car. He believed we all are enjoying the good fortunes associated with his house, hence, he needed to increase the rent as a way of getting our Thanksgiving offering. I'm like what the hell is happening to people's mentality? Does he know how hard people hustle to make meaningful progress in their lives? The same mentality that our people have that once you buy a new car, you must celebrate it for them. I'm so tired of this wacky mentality." © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos "I've got many hands to assist, yet my two hands are feeble. In my little way, I try to help these many people by sharing my meagre income in almost an infinitesimal way. Yet, some think that I'm stingy. They claim that I only give little. At first, it got to me. But not anymore. I give because I can, and I will not allow someone to push me off balance. I cannot help the world. In fact, I'm in this world to help myself. © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos Life can be funny. There was a lady I had loved to date in my undergrad days. But she rejected my proposal because she deemed me too religious. We went our merry way. I met her again years after our university days and realised my heart still skipped at the sight of her. So I asked her out again. But there is another clause preventing her from saying yes. She has become very religious while I have left that world behind. She is now interested in a deeply religious person. Both ways, I lost her. Because her journey and mine are so apart, it seems. © FERT, 2019

The efficacy of juju. An unexplained phenomenon will remain a mysterious myth until its knowledge is gotten. Volcanic eruption was once considered supernatural, until knowledge came. People prayed for rain then, but with silver linen, rain can now be induced over an area (at a cost.) If a man believed to possess great charm was harmed, and the next place he could go to for healing is an orthodox hospital, then, something is amiss with the juju. Juju, is real or not, I'm yet to see a charm that can withstand Asteroid. Let's learn well. © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos I am minimalist. As a result, I want to make a difference in the World that perpetually indulges in wastage. But instead,I was considered a lazy man who would not strive beyond making ends meet. In my bid to make others see reasons, I set out to teach others how to only use what they need but hardly do people respond to my greetings. Thus, shutting down the chance to influence their materialism stances. I look poor to many and "the history of the poor is madness unto the world," reflects in their engagement with me. Regardless, I'll follow my path, live on as a simple as possible. And if life smiles at me; history will be made about the minimalist who shunned excessive acquisition of things hardly needed. I journey on. © FERT, 2019

Lawyers won't see heaven. Last week, I was inside the car of my lawyer friend, he was confidently driving on the wrong lane of the traffic. A traffic patrol officer caught up with us and then arrested us. So my friend asked him to allow us leave the lane so as not cause accident. The officer agreed, and we moved to the right lane waiting for the officer to cross over. "Yes, I am arresting you for driving on the wrong lane of the traffic." He stated. My friend flared up, "why are you trying to lie, do you know that I am a lawyer? Now tell me, what exactly my offence is. Am I on the wrong lane here?" I was as shocked as the bewildered police officer. © FERT, 2019

Humans of Lagos "My jobs went into extinction right before my eyes. I did apprenticeship of how to operate the Letterpress machine for 6 years. 2 years as a trained and practicing letterpress machine operator, advancement of the Desktop computer sent my professional tool into the world of oblivion. I humbled myself and learnt the use of desktop computer. I was quick to introduce my ingenious idea of typing, writing and printing songs lyrics, love poems and romantic messages for sales. I made quite a fortune, until another technological advancement knocked me out of business. Handy laptop computers meant that my potential customers now have my working tools at their beck and call. Internet then made obsolete my hardcopy productions. Everybody now have the needed information online. I'm tired. I'll only be eating and sleeping henceforth. I can't catch up with the unstoppable technological advances. Just as my jobs went into extinction, the human existen...

Humans of Lagos My wife died in my arms at an hospital in this city after a brief illness. She died few days after she was warned to abstain from her village, else she'll die. She never visited her village, but death knew her place in the city and then took life out of her. Her parents in the village insisted that I must coughed out huge sum to make provision for her funeral rites when returning her corpse to the village. Money that's enough to cater for our child's education till the university level. I made a decision, I buried her at a cemetery in the city. It cost me less, the remaining money can be used for our kid. I've been threatened by her family. They said I'll die within 3 days. It's 6 months already and unless I'm a human ghost... So, I'm going to the bank. I'll be making educational provision for my child. In case I die, funds will not stop him from furthering his education. Threat or no threat, I've never seen anyone wh...

I love to work late into the dead of the night, when all living things are deep asleep. When I snore; Chickens tremble, Sleeping babies awake, The foundation of the house I stay inside vibrates, Mosquitoes are confused and subdued, And the dust in my room does a whirlwind dance. I no longer feel cold in chilling weather conditions. Google informed me that the fat deposited in my organs have protected my irritability. I don't want to die. Yet I hate to exercise and I love food. © FERT, 2019