FERT

Here's the story of two jolly friends, Làbàkẹ́ and Àbíkẹ́. They were interested in their own progress and worked together towards achieving it. Làbàkẹ́ was a farmer and Àbíkẹ́ a business merchant. There came one season when the earth was angry at the destructive activities of human being on the ecosystem. And the  land became hostile to the growth of Plants. Famine descended swiftly upon all animals and humans. Àbíkẹ́ decided to assist Làbàkẹ́'s plague and called her friend to her room. There she handed to her the magic box that her grandfather gave her years ago. This box had the ability to sustain plants growth without the need for soil nor water. And so it was that Làbàkẹ́ became wealthy because her crops started yielding bounteous harvest. Months passed by, and Àbíkẹ́ gave birth to a child of her own. But there's a problem: the child needed a magic necklace so as not to die young. The only person with this necklace was Làbàkẹ́ , and she gave her friend's c...

Humans of Lagos "I hate it when a culture tries to subsume other cultures. I get infuriated when people tries to force me to comporting myself to modernised eating norms. For goodness sake, morsel food is eaten with hands in my cultural heritage. My ancestors ate swallows with their hands. And they were never ashamed of it. I don't know who's trying to punish people like me by introducing cutlery to the eating of precious Ẹ̀bà, exciting Iyán and tantalizing Àmàlà. Struggling with a fork and a knife, exerting the little energy left in me to wrestle with meats and swallows is no cultural evolution. It's rather a gross degradation and violation of the ancient trademark. I mistakenly poured soup cooked in palm oil on my sparkling white dress in the name of modernity. This use of cutlery for swallows is not funny. We can't retrogress to another mental slavery. ©FERT, 2017

Humans of Lagos "I'm responsible for my woes. I cannot blame anybody but myself. Talent is a curse, I quite agree. However, I'm old enough to chose a path for myself. I hate to do anything. I'm good at procrastination. Morning by morning, I procrastinate my plans. At my age, I'm yet to suck the breast  of a damsel. I cannot drive a car, just because I procrastinated my driving lessons. I'm too desperate for success, however my procrastination grows at a geometric progression. Even at my uncomfortable zone, I comfortably indulge in procrastination. My laziness births my fear and my fear fuels the procrastination. I'm fed up. I don't think that I can ever change. It's better I end it than remain useless in this life. Unfortunately, I've been nursing the idea of committing suicide for the past seven years, but my procrastination will not let me die. Onward, I keep procrastinating the day I intend to end my life. I'm miserable like tha...

Humans of Lagos "One year away from the completion of my first degree, I started serious planning as to how I wanted my future to pan out. I figured out the city I'd love to settle in, the number of children I wanted and what I wanted in my future wife. Being a student entrepreneur, all I wanted was to be self-employed after my graduation. I'd wanted to take my farming activities to the next level - a greater level. I was lucky to  have found the girl I wished to spend the rest of my life with while in school. It felt like "made in heaven" love encounter. We both created names of our agreed three children. Aramide, Olamide and Olumide were the names. We were deeply in love, and anticipated a glorious wedlock. Months after my graduation, disaster struck. My farm washed off by flood, and my mind left me. I couldn't get my bearings right, my fiance stood by me for a while, but left when light failed to appeared at the end of my tunnel. I lost my zeal of...

ME: He lied! HER: What did he lie about? ME: He recently said that Senegalese Jollof Rice is better than Nigerians'. HER: It is. Senegal invented jollof from Wollof region. ME: Nigerians perfected the act of Jollof rice HER: Nigerians burnt the rice ME: Stop. Stop trying to bring down my country. Nigeria's Jollof Rice is the best. Richard Quest of CNN even confirmed it. HER: Nigerians hate the truth. ME: Don't rate any country's Jollof Rice above Nigerian's HER: I just did ME: That's an insult I'll not take. HER: Even people who cannot cook jollof are fighting ME: Who cannot cook Jollof? Please mention names. HER: 1. You. 2. The very boy I'm chatting with right now. ME: I'll deal with You. HER: Quit dealing. Cook jollof and proof yourself ME: I'm out of this discussion. I'm angry HER: Be angry © FERT, 2017

Chief Product Officer (CPO): USA is only 5 million subscribers away from India's 213 million Faceboot users. Brazil still have the largest black users sitting behind India with 123 million users. While in Africa, Egypt lead with 32 million users, as Western Sahara with 23 thousand users sit at the bottom of the list. Surprisingly, Nigeria with close to 200 million population only have 18 million users to fill the second spot on the Africa's list pushing Algeria to the third position... Chief Operating Officer (COO): (cuts in) talking about Nigeria, whenever I monitor the activity logs there...All I see is fight, and war. Chief Technology Officer (CTO): (Asian accent) I know right! Daily they renew fighting scenes. If they are not fighting the government, they'll be remembering the opposition. Supremacy war over unnecessary things. There's feminism war, religious/irreligious war is a never ending thing. I guess that Third World War may breakout from that country. ...

DAD: You cannot marry him. DAUGHTER: But why? DAD: He's an Atheist. DAUGHTER: He's human. DAD: He's not on the Lord's side. DAUGHTER: I love him. DAD: You are too young to understand love. DAUGHTER: He's good at love making. I love the way he looks at me.  The way he handles me with care and devotion, and his touch, oh his... DAD: (cuts in) Abomination plus fornication! So you're no longer a Virgin? That Atheist disvirgined you. DAUGHTER: No he's not the one that first touched me. DADDY: Whatever. I'm taking you to Apostle for deliverance. DAUGHTER: Well Dad, Apostle is the one that disvirgined me. DAD: (screams) What??? DAUGHTER: He licked me from my head to toe. He said my oranges are juicy. Licking me down there like an hungry servant devouring the crumbs on the king's plate. He was screaming "Jesus!" "Sweet delicious Jesus!" as his black and blessed rod with thick round tip found my ready wetness. He found my Gsp...