FERT

 Humans of Lagos Profiling everywhere. In this city, you've got to exhibit some level of profiling to survive certain issues. The popular adage that if you're not wise in Lagos, you can't be wise anywhere is as true as the seawater is salty. Is profiling a good thing? No, I don't think so, but it's what it is. Many landlords/ladies won't give their apartments to single ladies. Most of them judge the ability of their prospective tenant's ability to be consistent in paying their house rents by their appearance, and religion. Damilola my atheist, unmarried friend needed an accommodation. Her landlady wanted to meet her pastor and her oversea based husband.  I generated a foreign number, and then called the poor woman acting as her tenant's husband. That was resolved.  I gave out one of my numbers as her pastor. Landlady called, I prayed for her and even prophesied to her. Days later, this landlady called me back to thank me for praying for her. I'm now ...

 The deceased Prophet TB Joshua contributed incredibly to Nigeria's religious tourism.  Nigerian Immigration Service once revealed that 6 out 10 foreigners visiting the country are SCOAN visitors. Zimbabwean Parliament cited him when discussing the Economic potentials of Religious Tourism. I was a carrier of the burden of a Peruvian woman who came to the country in search of 'supernatural' healing. At the height of TBJ's perceived persecution, he hinted at the prospect of relocating his ministry to Israel during a Sunday service. The statement proved controversial with several prominent Nigerians urging him to remain in the country, citing the economic setbacks Nigeria would likely experience through his potential relocation. Hospitality business in the Ikotun axis of Lagos state boomed 'cos of the presence of the synagogue. Prophet Temitope Balogun JOSHUA,  Thank you for;  Your positive economic impact on religious tourism, Those downtrodden you raised financially,...

 All night, I dreamt about how glorious my Saturday partying would be.  Invitations to attend 2 parties, my day will be blessed, I prophesied.  I left the house not eating cos I knew I'd eat at the parties. The first party lived up to my expectations, I ate and I was happy.  Before I left the venue, I used their restroom. I signed out by doing a proper number 2.  Coming out of the room, a Server was passing by with a tray having glass cups of smoothies, I took a cup, drank it, and headed out Party 2 venue bound! I hopped into a rickety bus, with a rude conductor, and a useless driver.  Lagos people are not normal, except me.  I thought I could cope with their madness.  They frustrated me, and my frustration created a rumbling in my belly.  I became discomfited. The fuel in their bus stopped midway. These are never any responsible.  They dropped me off without getting to my destination.  I couldn't fight them; after all, I was wearin...

 "WHY YOU MUST BE WISE" An essay. Enjoy. So, this man, a Nigerian living in the USA guaranteeing to help my writing career explode brought his Nigerian girlfriend to me to write a website landing page for her business. Initially, he'd criticized me so much about my writing style, and contested that I couldn't excel in my chosen career. He advised that I'd started breeding dogs for sales. So, when he brought the lady, I thought of it that I should bill them moderately. But I was surprised when this man from Texas, USA told me that I'm to do the work probono, since it's one of the criteria he'd use in accessing my writing excellence to ascertain if I'm worth helping or not. Ah! Ìkúnlẹ̀ abiyamọ o! I'm to do a real-time landing page for free? Just because an atheist living in the USA is giving me a "lifeline"? So I humbly told the man that: "I don't work that way. My works are out there. I could have given you a website landing p...

 It was a few days after the Lockdown. Michael Olúwafẹ́mi AJÍṢAFẸ́ was among the few people that didn't die of starvation induced by the Lockdown. If not for Garri, I don't know if I'd have been alive to this day. Garri became sweeter than the Jollof Rice then. When my sugar finished, I couldn't just do away with Garri still.  Ah, e no go better for the Lockdown! My friend in the USA sent me some dollars via RIA. I was so happy cos the Benjamin notes meant that I'll be rich in thousands of Naira. So I trekked from my residence at Ladi-Lak, Bariga to Diya street at Ifako Gbagada. Having borrowed some amount of money from a retailer in my street, I branched at Home Affairs Supermarket to buy groceries; I needed to flush out the Garri that I'd over-consumed.  After all, I'd collect Dollars that Ganiyu would help me convert to Naira. After my shopping, I majestically headed to First Bank to process my Dollars.  At the bank's entrance, the security personnel ...

 Prayer for the Bettors! (Image sourced from GettyImage) OH Lord, the seer of things to come, the revealer of the mysteries;  at your feet, we humbly bow. Let the blood of the, Chickens, Turkeys, Rams, and many more animals slaughtered for the New Year festivities atone for our sins. We cancel every red in our tickets. Shift away from us, our many years of pains, and give unto them, the bookies. Let the bookies be sad at our wins, let them wail from our winnings.  Let our sure odds not give us hypertension. And our over 2.5 not faint at the junction of over 1.5! That our Yes to GG never gets cut short. Anoint our heads to predict scores correctly, and your flaming fire we plead to destroy every machination of the VAR. Many are our afflictions. We've been labeled lazy by most of our friends and family members. How long will it take you, Oh Lord to rise in our defense? We have not stake beyond that which can hurt us if we lose. Let the seeds of our stakes blossom like veget...

 Towards the end of the year 2019, I realized that aside from eating to enhance my living, I've not achieved what society expected from my age and gender. I began to get worried. I hustled as much as I could but the year won't just yield. So I sat back, after all, I cannot kill myself by myself. I bought a big notebook and started making resolutions for the year 2020. I was energized to compete and be richer than Jeff Bezos. I wanted to be more trending than Elon Musk. And I swiveled into 2020. Yes, it's like I would blow. - my breakthrough seems to be attached to the year. In January I made some amount of money. Though it couldn't afford to take me on holiday in the Caribbean, but was enough to cover my transportation bill to visit my father's grave in the village with modest feeding. The hope was high! In my thoughts; just as a thin line separates dying from living, only a break will move me through my poverty into huge riches. Then COVID-19, from being an outbrea...