FERT

Humans of Lagos "My Lagos dating account isn't suitable for readers and viewers below age 18. Discretion is advised. My job is to make happy the singles, divorced, curious, widows and all in between. Seeing them smile, is how I make a living. Last night, a woman called for my service in her mansion. She's a socialite, and I was eager for the transaction. All night, I serviced her like a boar and a gilt in an all day romp affair. She drained me and I was so spent. Still she wanted more. She got me charged but I fainted out of exhaustion. Still she resuscitated me to continue. I understand. It is the unfortunate hazard of my job. This morning when I demanded my payment for the service overly rendered, she simply said she would not pay me. Her excuse was that we both satisfied ourselves. I had wanted to create a scene but she was quick to remind me of how the society would mock me and my profession. I left her house devasted, pained that being a gigolo is ...

Humans of Lagos "My wife and I had a misunderstanding that grew to the point of our separation. She left with my lovely 3 year old daughter and then divorced me. All my efforts at being responsible for my daughter's upkeep was hindered by my estranged wife. She remarried, I didn't. My daughter was raised by her step-dad. I was brutally denied the opportunity to show my fatherly love. My daughter grew up not knowing me. My daughter was embittered with me due to the one-sided stories her mother fed to her. She hated me without hearing me out. She distanced herself from me even when I made countless effort to reach out. I love her, but she really hates me. Even at her university convocation, as a valedictorian with the overall best result, she only spoke gloriously about her adopted father. I was once again relegated to nothing. Why should she hate me based on what she was told about me without caring to hear my side of the story? We would never know what tr...

Humans of Lagos "I have my share of being fooled. Times without number, I've tried investing emotional affections on desert grounds. My not been hospitalised then, must have been a miracle. Friends told me that I'm handsome, but I lacked self-worth. See, I suffered. Like an attractive feather carried about in a stormy wind, I longed for any landing site that would accommodate me regardless of its condition. Some of my experiences include giving out my love genuinely, harmlessly and innocently with the assumption that it would be reciprocated. Only to be ghosted by my lover. Alas, I have invested in a feather love. Then I loved her that found me benchworthy. I checked up on her, but she responded only at her convenience. Her scanty responses did send me hope that she might love me back but at her own pace. S he joyfully toyed with my emotions and puffed away. And then I found her. She appeared like a full Moon, shining brightly unencumbered for a moment and the...

Humans of Lagos "How are you? The usual automated response I want is 'fine.' I'm not interested in knowing whether you are truly fine or not. No one does. The monotonous fine, is fine for me. My brother, it's now a custom. Here, We all pretend to be caring. However, we lack the empathy to genuinely care. When it's been a long time we last see our friends; we are quick to say: 'long time, hope all is well?' Though we know deep in our hearts that it's never well! We do this, to give hope. A false hope. Prolonging the day of our depression and desperation . Funny enough, like a mastered rhetoric, the respondents echo 'fine' all the time, swallowing those harrowing things going on in their lives. © FERT, 2018

Humans of Lagos "I recently broke up with my girlfriend. She felt betrayed, other people condemned my action, but I felt I did no wrong. See, she's addicted to following celebrities on social media. She knew them by names, their pets by tags and their families by faces. Surprisingly, she forgets other things easily but not the celebrities'. So at that point that she started comparing me with her celebrities, my guts informed me to call it quit. At first, I made her know that I can never be someone else, but she wouldn't listen. Then I told her that celebrity is a thing of the mind. I celebrate myself daily for I'm a celebrity unto myself. So when she wouldn't listen. I wrote my breakup letter, posted it on her social media timeline, and then tag few gossips handles. Now I'm trending for being a mean breakup guy. Funny, I'm now a celebrity, renowned. I hope to cash in on this silly fame. No publicity is bad publicity. I'll become...

Humans of Lagos We all are on a path. A path it is and whether heading in the right or wrong direction, we can't say. Being on 'the right track' is often viewed from societal expectations or personal goals. Most times, we cannot tell, all things equal, if we are on the wrong path. Someone once said that we all are playing an illusory game but instead we think that we know what we are doing. I'm learning to go on my path disregarding societal norm. I'll be alright eventually. © FERT, 2018

Humans of Lagos "She said: 'I'm happy with your health. You know, health is wealth.' So it happened that I tried cashing in my happiness by rushing a bank, trying to withdraw money. I swiftly informed the Teller, 'I'm here to withdraw my health in monetary form because you know, my health is my wealth.' She raked my solid form with a wrathful gaze, I feel my body's saturated fat dislodging into a sea of sweat. Still I muttered my determination by insisting on my request. She proceed into uncontrollable laughter, and I still wasn't getting her hysteria. Until fellows customers began to point out my insanity. I saw no reason to fight their prognosis. I know I am wealthy because I am healthy. But if they insist, I would go get a mental health treatment and come back for the money. I was sure everyone one else that got out money in this bank all did so on the account of their good health. I must be accorded the same respect! I will...