FERT

"I want to be a Policeman." I know people tremble whenever they see policemen, I think the police officers wield enormous power. The bus conductors drop 'offerings' to them, Traffic offenders plead with them, parting away with few naira notes. I swear I love it. Police is your friend, yet people don't like to associate with them. I will like to be a Policeman, I may not have to survive on my salary...I should be able to survive on money I will get from extortion. I will not steal, stealing is now corruption. As a Policeman; I will drink Beer with Pepper soup at Bars without paying, I will enter public vehicles without offering transport fare because I will be considered 'a staff.' I will break traffic rule with my police car lights flashing and siren blaring. I will stop and search anybody's wallet without producing search warrant, then accuse and arrest those that my instinct condemn. I will work hand in hand with the politicians, dine with t...

All my life, I greatly loathed the Igbo people from the South-Eastern part of the country.  I viewed them as the singular parasites hindering the progress of Nigeria.  So I vowed never to mingle with them. Chisom loved me with all her life.  And in all sincerity, she's a wife material having the perfect understanding of how a symbiotic relationship between a feminist and a patriarch could be harmoniously established.  I loved her too, only that I wished that she's from my own ethnic group.  I refused to allow my heart grow in love with the Igbo lady for I see them as selfish, money loving set of God's creature.  Though my relationships with ladies from my ethnic group won't just work, I was adamant and determined to continue to search for love from among my own people. My parents associates without considering ethnicity nor religion, in fact our driver is an Igbo man.  I concluded about my parents that they are ignorant people w...

I love my wife so much, she's indeed my help-meet.  If I have the opportunity to chose a wife perhaps if I reincarnates, I will go for her.  And if we meet in the afterlife, then our marital union will continue in eternity. For many months now, I've not been paying my house rent, she's been the one giving the Landlord all the excuses that have been subduing the anger of my money loving Landlord.  I always appreciate her efforts. But by the time, I become a landlord myself, I will definitely separate business from pleasure with my future tenants. Having adulterous relationships with my landlord's wife and daughter secretly without the daughter and mother knowing is a game I think Devil himself (perhaps is a she self) taught me.  Even my landlord is not suspicious.  But am I doing a bad thing?  No, I don't think so.  I think it is one of the signs of the beginning of the end of the world.  I am just unfortunate to be an a...

In this city, we have the lagoons, rivers, and the sea; yet there is a gross unavailability of drinkable water. Bottled water is just too expensive for what an hustler like me can afford, and I know right that water is essential to living. Then I devised the gracious means of getting qualitative water supply on a moderate quantity by visiting different banking halls to drink from their water dispensers-and it works! Last week, a security personnel of one of the banks reprimanded me for drinking too much water from their water dispenser without me being a customer of the bank!What an insult, but I've learned to see opportunities instead disappointment. I will keep on exploring, and survive on...

"I came to Lagos when I discovered that the Witches in my village were hell-bent on destroying my destiny. On my arrival at the metropolitan city, I met Claro, a good girl who introduced me to his prophet. The prophet prayed for me by ordering heavenly Monkeys to eat up all demonic bananas that were slipping off my great destiny. I sold bottled water with all joy, in the traffic of Lagos express roads. I ran after my customers like Haile Gebre Selassie the long-distance race champion just to get paid for my services. And I must say, Lagosians are not God-fearing. So last week, a strange animal was found in my room; Bat the evil bird it was. I then summoned the Imam of my community Mosque who killed and burnt to ashes the bird of evil omen. Imam prophesied into my life that before the end of the year, I will become a celebrity. I claimed it, but what's my gift? "Perhaps I will have the opportunity to travel out of the country to New York in the USA and be sell...

In the valley of Bitterness; When Heartbreak crossed my path to destiny; Then gloom companionship got glued to me. So I looked into the Sky and peep into Heaven; Heaven can you hear me cry? Cry of a devastated meteor; Asteroid whose potency burnt out before impact. Tried to smile but my voice came back to me as groaning. I was selfish!!! Everyone does that which is deemed best for themselves’ I tried it too, So was I wrong? Nope…My happiness will be in my humanity. I am a God, I am that dission that my world eagerly await; I have fuse enough, I need to explode upon my environment; For positive impact. No pride here, it’s simply self-confidence. It ended where it all started… Like Sango, the God of Thunder; I’ll spit blackish-red fire; Do not pity me, I’ll live my life just once; I cannot leave life alive. Alagbede-Orun, I need Iron to work with; Receive me when I return to you Ile O...