FERT

The coach convinced the team's supporters that Morgan Bahuri is the only striker that could help the football team to victory. Coach stated; "Bahuri can score a goal from the centre half, he uses both leg and he's very swift like El Nino, the ocean's natural phenomenon. He's simply unstoppable." The spectators paid extra gate fees just because they wanted to see Bahuri demolish his opponent. "Bahuri is the surest and a saviour." The supporters assured themselves. It's show time, Bahuri with his teammates entered the field of play gallantly like a mosquito that is attracted by Carbondioxide gas. And then the match began. The opponent appeared to have a solid defense, but with Bahuri, everybody expected humiliation. Few minutes into the play, Bahuri complained to the Referee that the opponent's defenders' muscles were rock solid. So the referee ordered that they should be substituted with measly defenders. Impossibility is nothing...

Humans of Lagos "I was molested by my mom's housemaid before I clocked 10. She enjoyed it but I was indifferent. However, this incident aroused my libido even before I reached the semen producing age known as puberty. And at the age of 14, I was again molested by my big sister's friend. On that day, she tenderly unruffled my hair, rolled her finger from my eyelids to my soft lips. She whispered sexiness in my ear. Sweet dirty words that gave me a hard-on. And then asked me to lie beside her on the bed. I did. I became restless; I pulled her flowing red gown up to her waist, then I exposed her thighs and lay the gown aside. I rolled her sparkling white pant down on to the mattress. She parted her hips to give me access into her... I entered her missionary style, and felt her wet lips on mine. she kissed me passionately. Thrusting and moving furiously in unison, she vibrated and moaned and I shook with so much charged energy. I stroked her tits, slapped her buttocks a...

Humans of Lagos "So as a celebrity, how are you coping with your loyal fans?" "The truth is that I'm my own fan. I am my star and we all are celebrities. I am hardly moved by people flocking after just because they consider me a celebrity. Let me give you this instance; before I started singing, when I was just a Graphic Designer, I followed my musician friend to a television show. I wasn't reckoned with then, none of the TV crew members deemed it fit to take a picture with me, I was neglected. But few weeks ago, I visited the same station now as a celebrated singer, the same people who relegated me were struggling to take pictures with me. I will never get carried away, I'll remain truthful to myself. © FERT, 2016

VANITY? My father was the late rich business tycoon of the Cocoa industry, he had many mansions throughout the world with beautiful wives chosen from different ethnicity and then blessed with plenteous children. As a caring father, he gave all his children the best education money could get and opportunities to explore our worlds. We are forever grateful and proud of him. He was a true Nationalist and a devouted philanthropist. When he died, the world momentarily stopped to honour the opulent man. We buried him in a golden casket, and decorated his graveyard with diamond and gold, right in his hometown. All in remembrance of a righteous business man. Years rolled by, the economy of the country forced many of my siblings to travel out of the country; yes I left the country as well but came back and was gainfully employed into politics. I am a NIGERIAN POLITICIAN by profession, career and calling; what a far more rewarding job to get employed into. The last time I visited m...

DISCIPLINE I was there at his birth, when the midwives shouted at his mother who was groaning in the pains of child delivery labour. The nurses were not any nice. I heard it loud and clear when one of nurses asked the poor woman to keep quiet simply because she was not there when she was enjoying the sexual intercourse with her husband that resulted into what she was suffering from at the moment; what a bad woman. On his safe arrival on planet Earth, Nigeria to be precise; the nurses slapped his innocent buttocks for not crying aloud to announce his arrival. Then his mother took over the beatings; she would slap his cheeks, give him a knock on his head and then kick his bom-bom. She would force this growing baby to eat by blocking his nose, locking his hips in her laps then open his mouth to force the fluid in. His daddy was not left out of the discipline-process, as he was fond of giving the kid twenty-four strokes of the cane on his right hand. His teacher was an expert at ...

Okay people,  my own bad news here... I'm down with catarrh. I've been treating it though, but I'm now inside an air conditioned studio. My eyes are almost popping up, My nostrils are running far away from me, My voice is scarier than the sound of hell, My teeth are as weak as the faeces of a vegan, And my head is thrice as heavier than the cross of Jesus. I'm in a very bad shape now, yet no news is talking about me. I AM SUFFERING FROM CATARRH © FERT, 2016

Suicide Note. By the time you are reading this letter, I'd be confirmed dead. I love sex, and I don't hide it. Eighty percent of my income goes directly into satisfying my sexual appetites. My friend, Sandra, not my girlfriend but my sex mate used to be there for me four years ago. I'd teach her Mathematics in exchange for sex, before she relocated out of town. I lost my job late last year, so I moved to the bigger city in search for a greener pasture. I learned to abstain from sex, and focused on getting my bearing right. I've lived without sex for months in my new city, and then I met Sandra again. Sandra is now more beautiful than before. We met inside a commercial bus. She shouted my name, we hugged and kissed. Later, she gave me the address to her place. I refused to visit her initially. My new principle; "you don't make love when you're broke," was my guide. But upon her insistence for a visit, we agreed to meet on a public holiday...