Humans of Lagos Episode 68

Humans of Lagos

"Depression daily dines with me. 

Suicidal thoughts, tenaciously tempt my soul.

Perhaps I shouldn't have forgiven the issue. Now I cannot forget it, and this is the cause of my psychological turture.

I was only thirteen years old when he defiled me. And he didn't stop until I left his house for my tertiary education.

I couldn't summon the courage needed to inform my mother. I just could not figure out how I would explain to her that her husband, my step daddy, is doing it both to mother and her daughter.

He even warned me not to tell my mother, he threatened to kill me if I did. He sponsored my academics, and my mother was forever grateful to him till she breathed her last.

While at the University, I confided in a friend and she plead with me to take the necessary court against the rapist, but my Priest preached forgiveness to me.

I bought the message of forgiveness, my friend allowed me follow my mind. But my mind at that moment was not in my possession, I sold it into the fantasy of "forgive those who trespass against you."

Almost twenty years now, yet I carry on the pain of my innocence. 

He's dead but I'm filled with bitterness

. I hate his children, I do not like to associate with my step - siblings.

I just can't understand the message of forgiveness. 

So it is possible that I get to heaven and see my step father there. So my pain will continue.

But why is there a place called hell when forgiveness supercedes judgement. 

© FERT, 2016