FERT

Him: Check this link out. Me: What's it about Him: Ushering job. Me: They  are requesting for my full size photograph.  Him: They want to see you how you look maybe. Me: Are they real? Do you know them before? Him: I don't know them, but we get to know something somehow. I think it's worth trying since you reside in the town where the ushers are needed. Me: I will hold you responsible if anything goes wrong. Him: Are you gonna share your reward with me if all things go well. Me: No, I need money. You know about it. Him: Well you can't hold me responsible for any negativity. You're not a kid, discern and decide. © FERT, 2015

Humans of Lagos  Brandon, the brain behind Humans of New York visits Nigeria.  * We will need 2.8 billion naira for his security logistics - Nigerian Inspector General of Police. * Presidency to host Brandon to a national banquet. King Sunny Ade, and a popular Comedian to perform. * You must adopt the Nigerian Federal Character Act in your interviewing sessions. - Leader of the South - South region of Nigerian warns. * One of the Emirs from the Northern part of the country offers his 18 years old daughter to Brandon in marriage. * Don't allow APC to hijack you. PDP Publicity Secretary warns. * Governor invites Brandon to come and see his administration achievements.  * Don't interview illiterate Nigerians - Nigerian Union of Journalist Lagos Chapter advocates.  * A telecommunication giant to organize a bash for Brandon at Eagle Square in Abuja.  * Don't visit corruption laden states. - APC Governor admonishes.  ...

You will not kill me, And I shall not kill myself. Seeing you passing by the palm wine shed joint every evening, I can’t just help but stare at you lasciviously. Your eyes like many sparkling stars of night; Nose with the beauty of a Gazelle; Hair black as the mantle shrouding the blind; An even set of teeth that is white with the whiteness of a cliff that had gathered too much snow; Straight legs like that of an Ostrich, moving like a Cheetah preparing to race; graciously showcasing the ample built of your buttocks carried by the hips; Skin round, smooth, and full. Just as the pomegranate fruit. When I see your eyelashes and its shaping, all I think of is the Bermuda triangle; the path from which all humans both men and women arrive this world after spending nine months in the motherly pouch. Gladly did I invest daily in buying the product of Gladys the Emu Ògùrö seller, the lady with sagging breasts, very flat like the Plaice fish in the ocean- no than...

Lucifer.  Before you were formed in your mother's belly I knew you not. But before the beginning of your existence I was. When you arrived this world,  you chose me to be your enemy, because you were commanded so. You're always ready to forgive those who offend you but me. Daily you cuss and curse me, You go high on the mountain top that you may destroy me. Like a dogma, your only approach to me is attach. You found me unworthy to dialogue with. Is there any good without the bad? Can a man receive goodness at all times? You rejoice in greatness, But stone me for your failure. You live your entire life hating me,  Passing the baton of hatred to your children. You made me outlive you. You fall at the battlefield fighting the innocent me. You gave me immortality. © FERT, 2015

SATAN Curse be upon Lucifer, judgement upon Shaytan; and total destruction of the Great Deceiver. Wait! I am not referring to the Satan that we were religiously raised to be binding and casting that won't just die. Not talking also about that Shaytan which we do stone every year at a designated holy land but will not sustain any bruise as well. I am talking about mere mortals like me, who have vowed to oppress and suppress their fellow mankind. Men who are nursing their devilish mind, forming cult to propagate easily their agenda. They, creating Wars to end war, establishing the human colour delusion, preparing poisons as food for people, providing entertainment that motivates violence, enslaving people and damaging their fellow humans conscious awareness for mind control. Creating world imbalance to have authority over the people, replacing the spherical nature of life where love goes round and round with the pyramid of struggle, envy and bitterness...

Humans of Lagos  "I don't need a car and I won't buy it.  I shouldn't need to build a  house as well but I live in a society that tries to define achievements in terms of material wealth. I shouldn't be worried about owning a house but my landlord do see me as not fortunate being, who he must oppress. Now my agenda on dedicating my entire life to technological research inventions got truncated because, I tilted towards conforming with the norm of my society. I wonder if a society whose agenda is solely to gain material wealth would eventually invent meaningful things." © FERT, 2015

In those days when humans ate just what they needed, that there was no immigration law and organised religion causing unhealthy rivalry was not in existence; people lived in peace with NATURE. In those days, it was an abomination for anyone to die of hunger and starvation for the system of living then was Communal and not the materialistic seeking system giving delusion of wealth accumulation whereas in the actual essence...everyone is poor, poor to death and condemn to decompose and rot. Talking about that old Oyo Empire with a well structured seat of governance, and the convenience of the people was more of a great concern to the leadership. At the declining state of this once upon a great Kingdom, greed and selfishness crept in and things were fast falling apart. It was during this era that a notorious gang of arm bandit did terrorise the innocent citizens of the Kingdom; they were merciless and fearless. So, the King of Oyo Empire (Ikú bàbá yèyé, aláse ìkejì oòsà)...

Marriage is; "hey you, come into me, share my life with me while I partake of yours as well. I'm ready, I know what I want, and I believe you'll fit into it. Child bearing, throwing yourself into the future in another life. These two ain't important. If you are yet to understand your own life, you'll be a cheat to ask someone to bring his/her will and get it fixed into yours. If you're unable to unravel the riddle of your present life, why procreating? Life is meaningless, we give it meaning. We, both the living and the assumed non-living things. The Lion that stood side by side with a Zebra drinking water together by the pool side, ignoring the Zebra as its prey gave living a meaning with that act. The rock on which hundreds of people hid for safety during a ravaging war gave life a meaning. Tidal wave (Tsunami) contributed to living! Religions do go into extinction, Culture do mutate. Humans, well I'm a believer of evol...

I was not financially buoyant, I'd to lay low. To avoid unpleasant moment, I do take nap. One afternoon, with a swollen eyes from excessive sleeping, I woke up and did a thorough search on my trousers pockets. Bingo, I found some cool cash. I dashed to the fast-food joint and ordered for my beloved delicacy.  I stayed neutral to the war between 7-up and Coca-Cola bottling companies, by ordering for two bottles of their products each. I enjoyed the head of my life. I bounced to the stall of the woman who called me a broke ass a week before my story changed. I intentionally hit her goods, but before she could talk, I paid for the price of her eggs I broke in double fold. She glorified the name of god on my behalf.  Happiness and sadness are mere emotions which do not always want to last, but you consciously decide on what emotion you want to dwell upon. My story changed...for the better. I chartered a taxi to convey me to my house, the driver ...

In 1815, women had no right. In 1915, women fought  for their right. In 2010, women are always right. In 2015, women said,  "Come let us reason together. Our forebears suffered greatly at the hands of men due to patriarchy,  won't it be wise if we pay them back in their own coins now?"  So they agreed in unison, and concluded that they will make life unbearable for men. "We will reject the missionary sex style but allow for doggie and others styles which they won't need to be under." They approved. And so they said, "we will not change all the hurricane types name which are all feminine names in appearance, so that like hurricane Sandy, they will drive men into the bottom of the sea someday. But men in the position of leadership after haven known the intent of the women said; "We stand to suffer with our unborn children, let us evolve to avoid extinction." We will allow for transsexual and plastic surgery that in th...

You need to accept that very soon; Name will go into extinction, while gender identification will also become irrelevant; due to transsexual. Passport photograph  identity will be an extraneous information for biodata because of plastic surgery.

I still don't get it. How does a family rise to become ruler over multitude? This is not a form of government which is by the people and for the people. No - I don't just understand monarchy. How will a child claim superiority to a grown on the basis that he is a royal blood.  Oh what a distortion  humanity. And then I see the government form for the people by the bankers and corporations. What a shame. Ìléré the faithful slave in the palace received favour in the kings' sight among her fellow slaves. She was assigned with the role of keeping the king's royal mug. She was faithful with her designation.  So one day, the Prince got drunk and then accidentally fell upon the royal mug. It broke into pieces, but no one saw the prince fell upon it. Ìléré was accused of breaking the royal mug. She maintained her innocence but no one believed her. The Prince, the culprit did not confess. The king's fury rose against her, after all she was just a slave. T...

Humans of Lagos "My loving brother came to the village and brought me to Lagos. He said to me while we were in transit, "you're going to Lagos to hustle, forget about your educational qualifications and do whatever you can to survive." And that was all I needed to get established in the city. I saw an advert where a private elementary school announced that they needed a swimming expert. Though I was not a professional swimmer, yet I applied for the job. I do play at the village stream as a child, just as every child did. My first interview was the baptism of fire,  I nearly got drowned while trying to prove myself as a swimmer. I didn't expose my weakness, I was courageous. I went home and read so much about swimming, Google search engine was my friend. Somehow I got the job, I trained myself in the swimming pool where I do train the kids. I love the water and the water love me back. I freed myself in the water and I float. Today, I no l...

That moment when your mother sent you to school in the morning without giving you breakfast just because there's fasting and prayer, but you returned from school later in the day with soup stain on your white coloured school uniform. And the excuse you're able to give was that; "I was divinely fed without my knowing just as it happened in the days of old as recorded in the holy books. © FERT, 2015

The three communities jointly sold their landed property to a Chinese firm. The firm demanded of the community chiefs what the host communities wanted from them, but the Chiefs asked for posh cars for themselves. Posh cars on roads that are not motorable, posh cars when their is no primary health care centre in any of the three communities, schools and electricity are absent there; but the chiefs want posh cars befitting their status as the fortunate decision makers who sold the destiny of their children and unborn generation for personal greed. Now, the youths of the community beg for crumbs, like miscreants demanding for money from the Chinese firm personnel heavily guarded by the Nigeria Police Force. Today, the posh cars gifted to these head are all grounded, no thanks to the communities bad road. #LostPriority #NoForesight #LookingInward © FERT, 2015

Yesterday, I was so depressed and decided to end it all, so I bought poison to drink. At the instance of my trying to gulp it, a friend called and asked me to visit his office for a surprise package. I dropped my poison and dashed to his office. When I got there, he offered me seven pieces of mangoes and then told me that he couldn't believe that it was the mango season. I left his office in annoyance but got knocked down by a Ferrari brand vehicle. I didn't die, but felt an excruciating pain. #StupidStory