FERT

These things you must know and live by. A hunter on hunting expedition once found a bird trapped in his trap. He went closer to the bird, and he found out that the bird was still alive.  The bird begged the man to allow him share the most important life teachings with him. "Say whatever you want to say very fast, for I shall kill you as meat for my family" the man spoke in a rather aggres tone to the bird. The bird said; "good man, there are three life teachings I want to tell you, please keep it at your heart and always apply it even after my demise." According to the bird;  "The foremost thing to acknowledge is to appreciate that which is in one's hand, it must be cherished.  Secondly, one must not worry over what cannot be changed." He then concluded that one should avoid taking the words of people too serious for there's always a great difference between words spoken and actions takens. The hunter was excited b...

Life is actually meaningless!  I imagined a frustrated man who's fed up with life and thought of suicide more often.  This was because people were; owing him money, and nobody actually cared about him.  On a bright sunny afternoon, he was so angry and depressed.  He left his home with the thought of going to commit suicide by hanging.  On his way, he had an accident which didnt take his life but he suffered  memory lost.  He couldn't remember his past worries nor joy,  he couldn't remember his religion nor race,  he couldn't remember timing,  In fact one of his debtors visited him to pay him the borrow money at the hospital, yet he couldn't remember been owed.  He lost his memories!  Look at me my fellow humans, we are indeed deluded. Immigration, Currency and Religion...biggest lies to mankind. So true... ONE world...debunking Immigration, For Us...debunking Currency, In Us...d...

When you're on a journey in a moving vehicle, and your co-traveller snore louder than the bus engine that you can't even hear the sound system in the bus; you'd better adapt to making music out of the noise. #DoWithWhatYouHave #StupidStory © FERT, 2015

One day, a wealthy man prepared a delicious meal filled with fried Fish in surplus. So he called on all the Rats in the village, and then told them about the delicious meal he has prepared. He gave this creature small portion of the food while he pleaded with them not to touch the reminder of the food in his house as he embark on a journey. When he returned from the journey, he saw many rats in his house wining and dining, they were eating the food he asked them not to eat. He was greatly saddened by their deed. So he called on the leader of Cat, he narrated his ordeal in the hands of the Rats that he treated well, but repaid him with wickedness. He prayed the leader of Cat to gather the remaining cats help him get justice with, and then empowered to safeguard his delicious meal.  The leader of the cat with the rest of his member did as the man instructed, they killed all the rats. The man was so pleased with brave act of the Cats. He then gave them portion of his swe...

Humans of Lagos "Interviewing foetus." The last time I was born in this city, I was welcomed by unkind nurses, fatigued doctor, not so neat a hospital labour ward with no electricity supply. The breeze was even strange, so I had to run away as a still born. My mother conceived me again in the United Arab Emirate when she went on a business cum pleasure trip. I think that I'm lucky, My father is a Norwegian citizen. My mother is trying to secure my future, she will be going to the United State of America to deliver me. I will be a proud US of A citizen. I only hope that I don't get delivered at the Nigerian airport." © FERT, 2015

Humans of Lagos 'Live at the funeral parlour.' "Look at the corpse up above me inside this freezing compartment, he is poorer than me and I don't relate with their kinds.  The stupid morgue attendants here are just insulting my personality by putting the wretched guy above me just like their Road Safety counterparts who cleared the road accident that took my life. Those Road Safety officials stupidly packed me among the coward Yoruba tribes-people corpse, the very people I loathed with passion. But, what can I do now?" © FERT, 2015

Humans of Lagos "I'm not lazy, but I don't believe that hard work will grant success. I live my live, I spend my earnings on food. I don't make savings, I don't believe in it. I don't do fashion, it's too fake for me to admire. I don't have a vehicle, my tommy is too jealous to allow for any rivalry. I don't have a wife nor child, to me, the marriage institution is not meant for everyone. I give to the less-privileged whenever I feel like, the world is so unfair. Many unqualified people are getting what they need because they have the influence, while the qualified languish in hustle. I laugh always, no dull moment. My girlfriend left, when I told her that our friendship won't lead to anywhere. I only hope that when I die, somebody or some people will bury me.  But if I don't get to be buried, that won't be my problem but the environmental problem of those around my carcass vicinity. © FERT, 2015 ...

Humans of Lagos "When we really got fed up with our employer's injustice towards us his employee, we started mobilising ourselves so as to put a stop to it. We held several secret meetings for we couldn't hold such meetings in the open because our boss is an influential figure in the society. We contributed funds that we could get media attention to publicise the horrible conditions under which we worked. We were underpaid, and we're forced to work without health and hazard insurance. However, a traitor among us reported our plans to our boss before we could even execute them. Our boss without wasting time fired the key plotter of the move.  It was when I got sacked that I knew that at times, "half bread is better chin-chin." Some of my colleague that were sacked never recovered financially, but I put the past in the past and started afresh in the power of the now. I'm better now, and I'm happy with my life. Two weeks ago, I read i...

Ìjàpá ọkọ Yáníbo Tortoise the husband of Yáníbo We eat to live, we shouldn't live to eat. As this reminds me of the ancient Yoruba folklore that my grandmother told me about Ìjàpá the husband of Yáníbo. She said, "Yáníbo couldn't conceive, and because of the great importance attached to procreation, Ìjàpá and Yáníbo were greatly disturbed." I know that even till today in our society, women are mostly blamed for not being able to conceive. A very wrong assumption, men are mostly the cause for this anomaly. Granny explained that Ìjàpá consulted a herbalist (Babaláwo) as suggested by his wife, and the man gave him the concoction he had asked his wife Yáníbo to come and collect earlier. 'Don't taste it Ìjàpá, it is solely prepared for your wife,' the herbalist told Ìjàpá.  On his way home, Ìjàpá got enticed by the sweet aroma of the concoction and fell for the temptation. He ate what was not meant for him to taste. And when he got home,...

People on Social Media ZZZ: Hi, I want to know why you unfriend me. Thanks. YYY: Oh I did 'cos you're not adding anything to me. I'm sorry. ZZZ: So why did you do it on my birthday? YYY: The social media birthday notification alerted me of you as one of the celebrants of the day. And when I looked into your account, it's as dry as the Sahara desert. ZZZ: But I do read all of your posts. YYY: I don't know, and I wouldn't have know as well. ZZZ: So you're waiting for me to click like and comment on your posts before you know that I'm following you? YYY: Well not totally that, at least I checked your timeline and I didn't see you post anything not even pictures upload. The last activity on your wall happened over a year ago. ZZZ: I'm always busy, that's why. YYY: Then it will be better you leave the social site for business or busy sites. ZZZ: That's rude of you, isn't it enough that you spoilt my birthday by un...

IMAGINE Seeing a Nollywood movie (horror genre to be specific) last night, then I got to the scene where a Ghost appeared to its alleged killer. The Ghost appeared with an AK-47 gun in her hands, seeking revenge for her murder while alive. The ghost was wrapped in a White wrapper, and her lips shining with a red lip-stick. The Ghost had a sweet feminine voice, Maintained a sexy curvature. I was so carried away with the ghost beauty instead of getting freak out. Suddenly the ghost bowed to the human involuntary action, she coughed! I laughed out so loud that my own voice scared me to the bedroom. I had a wet dream, I had sex with the ghost I saw in my movie. © FERT, 2015

Humans of Lagos 'We are twins and loving it. Our parents at times find it difficult to identify us. Due to our identical nature; we've dated same ladies simultaneously, we've represented ourselves at function without the organisers knowledge.  I remember a long distance race which we won. I started the race while my twin brother who dressed just like me appeared close to the finish lap and claimed victory over the rest of the hardworking runners with our smart work. We may be identical in appearance, but we don't share the same DNA; hence our destiny isn't the same. We must learn to live our lives independently." © FERT, 2015

In those ancient days when human beings were not in existence, the rest of the animals ruled the affairs of the world. They talked, and shared cultural heritage without having any known religion. They met regularly at a place where buying and selling were done. Elephant was the Market Leader while Lion was the Deputy. These animals had their individual weaknesses, for they were not perfect. The smelling Shrew was known for his love for fighting, and Tortoise was notorious at intruding into matters that were not of his concern. So on this particular day in the market square, a fight broke out between the Squirrel and the Shrew. Every other animal did not bother to settle the fight because, Shrews was a renowned trouble-creator. So, it's expected that any sensible animal will avoid Shrews as much as possible. Tortoise because of his love for rumor mongering; always wanting to break every news, adding and removing details as he liked, rushed to the scene of the fight. Wh...

Humans of Lagos Live at the funeral parlour. 'What do you have to say?' 'Such an irony, I learnt that my children have withdrawn all my life savings to fund my funeral ceremonies.' © FERT, 2015

Humans of Lagos Live at a funeral parlour! 'What's your greatest regret?' 'That all my life alive, I didn't enter any factory fitted Air-conditioning vehicle. I was brought to this place in an expensive car with air-condition." © FERT, 2015

How are we going to judge this scenario of Olúrónbí a mother who made rash vow just because of her selfish attitude. In those days, humans worshipped certain trees for protection, provision, fortune and success.  Everybody went before the Ìrókò tree, asking the divine tree for blessing while making pledges of Sheep, Ram, and Cow in return. But Olúrónbí because she wanted to make great fortune pledged her only daughter to the tree. She forgot that promise is a debt, she didn't realise that it is better not to make a promise rather than not fulfilling it. Her daughter warned her against her vow, but she didn't listen. Ìrókò tree granted, and instead of Olúrónbí to fulfil her pledge, she dropped a measly Fowl for the Ìrókò tree instead of her daughter.  Ah, Ìrókò tree seized her daughter. She thought that she could fool the divinity. You don't deceive your benefactor, don't act smart. But then, people gathered to try and rescue Olúrónbí's daug...

PETITION: UNITED NATIONS, EXTEND WEEKEND DAYS BEYOND TWO! UN, Why is the weekend only two days?! Why?! It is very unfair for people to toil for five days and you'll expect them to rest, flex and prepare for the next working week in just two days. That's inhumane. Sign this petition to hasten UN to act fast.

Last night, I was restless as sleep evaded my eyes. I drank water, perhaps I could see my sleep to sleep; but all was in vain. I ate more food with the hope of gaining the sleep of a new born baby, but I stool so much and eventually fart away my sleep.  Then I drank only small quantity of spirit. Just three big bottles out of the five bottles in my refrigerator. I sat down dazed, and then my eyes caught the attention of a rat fighting with a school of mosquito. I heard them talk, the rat accused the mosquitoes of sucking its blood and then sentenced them to death by stomping. But the mosquitoes pleaded for leniency. They asked the rat to forgive them, as I the owner of the house do forgive the rat of stealing from my foodstuffs. I was touched, I felt my humanity restored. Forgiveness is the key. I just don't understand why my wife won't forgive me of my constant cheating on her. I wept! ...So the time is 7:55am. Am I drunk? © FERT, ...

Humans of Lagos "I was scared of the high sophistication level of the Lagos girls, so I went to my village to pick a wife. I assumed that any lady from the rural areas like my village would be reserved, and obedient to serve a patriarchal husband like me; but I was wrong. My wife was very fast like the Hawk in the understanding in the use of the internet, especially the social sites. Her make-up engineering sometime makes me wonder if I'm not married to the village masquerade. Last week, I checked her marital status on one of her social media networking space only to see her status read; 'Single.' I'm dazed, my wife, the mother of my two kids, that still reside under the shelter that I made provision for addressing herself as Single.  Am I still alive?" © FERT, 2015

"If I'm ever arguing with her mother, I just look down and remind myself that this beautiful woman who married me because I'm handsome gave birth to this ugly boy. The child don't just resemble me, he's a carbon copy of my house owner.  That's why I get charged for wife battery."

SWEET SIXTEEN Sixteen going to seventeen, I celebrate you. You are evolving towards higher responsibility and maturity. You cannot leave this life alive, is a fact. You are sweet and must attract attention. I mean attractions from opposite sex and even same sex in some cases. Sure, it is all well and good for it only shows that you are alive. Now if you won't mind listening to my frail voice, if you won't get turned off by my rotten teeth and smelling mouth, that my perpetual shaken hands and weak bones won't get you distracted; I have something to tell you. I am of age now, but was once like you. Believe my word, put it to test and use wisdom in sorting out my facts from emotions. I want you to know that the relationship between a man and a woman is like two straight Iron rods standing apart, there will be no relationship as long as they remain straighten. They will remain parallel lines which doesn't meet. My sweet sixteen, for a healthy relationship, th...

May your bulbous, sumptuous boobies become flaccid; I pray that your big booty goes slim; I wish that your sexy curvature giving figure 8 turn figure 1; The Genie will turn your smooth, beautiful face into an ugly one. You've caused me so great a pain PAULINA. You won't get wet fast enough when having sex, May you have sex but never cum, May your sex partner always have body odour, May him who you'll wish to kiss have bad breath. I spent all my life earnings on you, so that we may make love someday. You fooled me,  You played on my intelligence, You pushed my desperation into Bermuda's Triangle, You were quick to know that I think more with my third leg rather than with my brain. Bankrupt I am, and sad enough jobless now. I gave you my money, and you collected; I bought you clothes, so you said; "Thank You." I spent and spent, and you didn't hesitate in receiving. I introduce my penis, but you said; "I am not your type." Do I look like a f...

Humans of Lagos "I've been too careful all my life.  I didn't want to make mistakes.  If I've failed, that means I'm doing something.  If I'm doing something, then I have a chance.  I didn't fail nor pass.  I was only being so cautious, that I became stagnant.  I am not existing even while alive." © FERT, 2015

It was a virtual love at first, Then hot 'sexting' followed. She reside in the North, While I stay in the South. 'Shagging' on my mind, Just as she expressed that the feeling was mutual. I applied for salary advance,  and also asked friends for more fund raising. So I collated the money,  I bought; latex, sex oil and candles.  And off I went to the North, In search of my virtual love. What's on my mind? Shagging on my mind obviously. I was received at the airport by her, She's actually a beautiful lady. She took me to her house. I thought of we starting the game at her living room, But she went to the kitchen to prepare my meal. Well that's not a bad idea,  Energy is needed for the 'work.' After the meal, I was ready to 'do it.' I gave her a massage, she felt nothing. I tried launching her into the mood, But just like the failed Apollo space satellite mission; all was i...

CAUTIOUS CUSTOMER (CC): Do you sell Latex on Fridays? PHARMACIST (P): Yes. CC: But it is a day of prayer P: Yes, and it is also the beginning of the weekend. CC: Do you sell on Sundays too? P: definitely. CC: Don't you know it is a worship day? P: It is not, it's not the original worship day. CC: Yes, Saturday is. So why do you sell on Saturdays? P: 'cos it is no longer a holy day. #GodMadeSex

...And her beauty was noticed by every male of the village. The king wanted her as a wife, the chief wished she would accept him, farmers, artisans, and fishermen really prayed to keep her as a bride. She was an epitome of beauty, the most beautiful girl of Ìwàlewà village.  However, she refused all the admirers that sought for her hand in marriage. She refused the Kings proposal because she wished to be the one and only wife of the king. She chased the chief away because of his protruding belly. She rejected the farmer because he was not a handsome man. Her taste for a potential suitor was considered too high by her parents. Her mother advised her to soft-pedal and chose wisely in humility, her father counselled her that there's no perfect man but considerate ones.  Yet she did not listen. This is the story of Olájùmòké the damsel, that lived in the...

Once Upon a time in the animal kingdom, there was a great famine. All the animals took the decision of killing their mothers, that they might not die of Hunger. Dog refused to kill his mother, but he sent his mom to heaven in the sky alive. When his mom got to heaven in the sky, she saw varieties of food in abundance. Soon after all the animals were done eating their mothers, they became hungry again.  Dog however got fed by his mother in heaven of the sky.  Every night, his mother would send rope with heavenly food attached to its end. And Dog would sing... ìyá ìyá ta'kùn wá 'lè o...àlù jon-jon kú jon Gbogbo ayé ló pa yèyé rè je...àlù jon-jon kú jon èmi Ajá gbé t'èmi ó d'Òrun...àlù jon-jon kú jon Meaning... Sweet Mother send down the heavenly rope All the animals killed their mothers But I transported mine to the heaven in the sky. The End of my story. #YorubaFolklore #MannaIsRealThenThisIsNotAMyth #MotherIsTheRea...

Humans of Lagos "It was a mixed feeling for me when I decided to leave the USA for Lagos city to meet the love of my life. Friends and family warned me about the danger of moving down to Africa being a White lady. Someone even told me that Lagos is an extremely dangerous city in the world. I had to make up my mind by listening to my intuition, and I bid Texas farewell as I journeyed to Lagos, Nigeria. I must say that the greatest decision I made is to relocate to this city. Lagos, a city where everybody smile no matter the situation. I can't compare the technological advancement of the USA with here, the basic social amenities there is way ahead of here, but something I noticed here is the happiness and hope in the face of everyone I meet. My husband's family accepted me wholeheartedly and treats me like a queen, wherever I go people call me 'Oyinbo-pepper' which I can roughly translate to be a White person! I got a good job here, with...

Do yourself a very big favour of sending this message to thirteen people within thirteen minutes, and see thirteen good things that will happen to you every thirteen days of the month for the next thirteen years.  Rebecca Ella in 1925, received this message but gave tiredness as an excuse for not forwarding it...she slept but woke up hungry.  Smart Price in 1933 acted nonchalantly to this because of his addiction to the game of football, his team lost woefully in their thirteen consecutive matches.  Eva York in 1911 was too horny that she didn't read this message to the end not to talk of forwarding it, she cried so loudly while sex lasted because it was very painful for her.  So my dear reader, don't joke with this message...pass it on to thirteen more people NOW.  I'm not instigating fear o!  But...be warmed!

My Gazelle running away from Danger, and My Lion chasing after his food. So like a GAZELLE will I run,  Running away from my Fears,  Making distance with my Doubts,  Gallant in my Speed,  Hopeful in Surviving,  Confident in my Survival Instinct... I will Make it. Like a LION, Oh I awake,  And then will I rise to pursue,  Pursuing my dreams with all tenacity,  Boldly chasing after that which belongs to me.  I don't eat Grass, no matter what.  I was made for this, I was born to do it.

Humans of Lagos "I'm in search of a new apartment." My present landlady is not a considerate being. Despite the hardship that the economy of the country is given unto every citizen; I was able to raise half of my yearly rent. I begged her to collect it from me while I make the complete balance in thirty days, she refused, she said she doesn't collect half payment. I worked harder, sourced for loan and completed the payment. I went to her place, gave her the money; and as a normal practice, I was expecting my payment receipt. She then gave the excuse of not having her receipt with her, I couldn't accept that because it is my right to get an instant receipt; more-so, she's lost her respect from me since she's not considerate. She claimed that I'm a rude lady. She brought a letter of quit notice, and she asked me to vacate within seven days. She was so wrong, I pay yearly so I'm entitled to six month eviction notice. I made a repor...

Humans of Lagos It was when my second marriage crumbled that I really performed a sincere self evaluation on myself to determine if I was actually innocent or guilty. My first wife left me on the basis that I was not loving and caring enough, she complaint that I didn't give her much of my time. I assumed within me that she's just a nagging and overbearing wife. Our union produced a female child, surprisingly, my own daughter opted to follow her mother not me. I work so hard to keep my home, she was a full house wife due to our mutual consent; I couldn't have imagine what else she wanted from me. My second wife didn't leave without creating scenes, she fought me bitterly, and then accused me of loving my own mother than her office as a wife. She suggested that I marry my own mother in her place. Her words sent shivers down my spine. I thought I've always been a good husband wanting the best for my family, but I couldn't understand why I could...